“Change? Again? I just went through a major change. It can’t be happening again.”

Get used to it. These days, change is not a one-time shot. Change is a constant force. In the scope of our lives, we will experience more change than our ancestors ever knew was possible.

Technology, for example, is changing rapidly. There are estimates that, of today’s existing technology, less than 1 percent will still be in use in the year 2050. That means that 99 percent of the technology we now know, from hair dryers to television to the Internet, will have been replaced by new technology before a child born today hits his or her 55th birthday. Society is changing rapidly; upheavals and reorganizations have become the norm.

And still we resist. We take the “If I close my eyes and click my heels it will go away” approach. Yet learning to deal with change is a lot like learning the skill set necessary to play the piano or to golf. Acquiring the skill set for change will allow you to advance through it intact. Here are a few principles that can guide you when you hit change:

• Change is hard. The most brilliant and memorable first sentence ever written can be found in Scott Peck’s The Road Less Traveled: “Life is hard,” Peck writes, explaining that it also gets easier when we accept that it is. The same holds true for change. Most change is painful, but with that pain comes new beginnings; acceptance of change will ease that pain.
• Change is inevitable. The first stage of change, denial, also is inevitable. One of the companies I work with is a slam-dunk winner in terms of growth and the bottom line.

However, its product line is maturing. A reversal is inevitable unless the company sparks the energy that leads to innovation and creates the next winners. The CEO acknowledges this, but the management team denies it because their profits look great. The longer we live in denial, the more painful the impact of the change.

• Change is a process, not an event. Change continues. It is hard to see where one change ends and another begins.

Each change creates a tremendous learning opportunity. Some people open up and let it in. Others don’t. While sitting on a plane a short time ago, I overheard two women talking about their love lives. One exclaimed to the other, “Wow, you were married ten times. What was wrong with all of them?” It took all my self-control to not offer my opinion. “Honey,” I wanted to ask, “don’t you think maybe there was a lesson by the second husband that you missed?

Maybe—just maybe—it’s you!!!” As long as this woman continues to believe that something was wrong with “them,” she will miss her own obviously dysfunctional patterns—as well as the opportunity to correct them.

• The only person you can change is you. Personally, I hate this one. I’d like to believe that we can help dysfunctional people create a better life for themselves—but then again, I’m still hopeful that there really is a Santa Claus. The reality is that we can create the environment, we can create the example, we can even entice someone with the desire to change—but we can’t make someone change. Sometimes the only answer is acceptance. Accepting a situation or a person allows us to begin to understand that things are perfect as they are. I still hate this one.
• Don’t attempt a major change alone. About seven years ago, my best friend confided that she had always wanted to move to San Diego and that she had finally decided to act on her dream. She told me she was sure she wanted to do it but was wracked with fear and was afraid that she would turn back because of this fear. She asked me to coach her and not accept any excuses that took her off the road to success. I regret that she moved and miss having her here, but I appreciate the lesson that she taught me.
• Change is easier with a coach who won’t accept excuses. Self-imposed change is the hardest. Although we hate having change imposed upon us, it is even more difficult to impose change on ourselves. When your company tells you to change, you usually don’t have too many alternatives. However, when you choose to stop smoking or to lose weight, suddenly you discover a million excuses and back doors. Self-imposed change requires closing those back doors.

All change takes place on the opposite side of the teeter-totter from security; when change goes up, security goes down. Could somebody please stop this teeter-totter? Every time it comes down and I think I’m done with change, some 300-pound kid gets on the other side. Wheeeee!!! Here we go again!