I know. You’re thinking, “I’ve never heard anybody say that.” Neither have I. The reality is, people at all levels in the vast majority of companies feel unappreciated.

The problem stems from the fact that we expect perfection from our colleagues. When we don’t get it, we feel let down. Our normal reaction is to point out all the inept people, bungled projects, and flawed personalities to our colleagues. Worse yet, we don’t even confront people directly with what it was that disappointed us, but instead spread the word to coworkers.

Spreading the word this way creates two problems. One, it prevents the person who is messing up from getting direct feedback and therefore makes it unlikely that he or she will improve. Two, it robs the soul of the organization. Pettiness thrives. People listening to the whiners know this is the “company way” of handling problems and that they too can expect to be on the outside soon when their mistakes are showcased publicly. Guilt and shame run rampant. Maturity and self-esteem plummet. A powerful trend is sucking the blood out of everyone—including the company.

What if, instead, you made a conscious effort to show appreciation to the people you work with on a daily basis? Just imagine calling those people in sales and thanking them for selling the product because without them, you would not have a job. What if you called somebody in operations and thanked them for their speed and accuracy because it makes your job easier. Wouldn’t they just flip?

In giving appreciation, it is important to give the kind that people want. Some people feel you are not being sincere if you lay it on too thick. Here are a few ways people like to receive feedback. People generally have one style, so try several and stick with what works:

• Appreciate their ideas. Some people feel that what they really bring to the workplace is creativity and “outside the box” thinking. These people tend to be very uncomfortable receiving gushy appreciation about how wonderful they are.

• Appreciate what they do. Others pride themselves in being the taskmasters who crank out work efficiently. They value efficiency, and you’ll get more of it if you reward it.

• Appreciate their ability to solve problems. A certain group in every workplace comes alive when there is a crisis. In fact, they’ve been known to create a crisis where none exists so they can do what they do best.

• Appreciate who they are. This group is easy to spot. They have pictures on their desks of family and friends. When they listen, you feel like they are listening with their hearts, and they show all their emotions on their faces. 
  
  Let this group know how much you appreciate them for who they are.
  Although each group likes to receive reinforcement in its own style, don’t hold back altogether for fear of using the wrong style. Just give reinforcement when people do things you appreciate. Keep this in mind: Any parent who ever gave in to a whining child knows he or she got more whining next time. We get what we reinforce.

This principle doesn’t apply only to children. Our colleagues tend to give us exactly what we reinforce as well. If someone is difficult for you to work with, reinforce the things you appreciate about that person and watch how he or she will give you more of it.

And while you’re doling out all that appreciation, don’t forget yourself. People don’t treat us better than we treat ourselves.